Assume Makes An Ass Out Of U And Me
by Blueezy
Summary: He didn’t give a damn like how he wouldn’t give a damn if Zaraki intended to take pleasure from his virgin ass and starved squirrels mistook his balls for very well grown nuts. Ichiruki


Hey guys, this is my first fic since my long break. I'm a bit rusty so forgive me alright? I'll most likely revise the fic later and work out the mistakes to make the fic flow better.

Assume Makes An Ass Out Of U and Me:

For a generally easy going and relaxed person, Ichigo's face tended to maintain his well-developed frown lines by simply wearing his standard expression. It wasn't that he was constantly angry, or that he thought the world was out to get him. To be frank, other than his obligation to protect the world and fight the forces of darkness and his status as a motherless teen, his life was actually pretty pleasant.

He had two cherished younger sisters and an annoying but, as most people grudgingly admit, likeable father. He received top grades in school, was well liked by his classmates, had plenty of close friends, and if he didn't say so himself, was a fairly popular guy. The shallow requirements of a successful teenage life were also fulfilled in his case. His family was financially secure so he was able to indulge in his unique sense of fashion, and it didn't hurt his likeability that he inherited good looks from his mother. So, in spite of his perpetual frown that only lessened reluctantly while he was asleep, Kurosaki Ichigo was a relatively happy guy. His frown meant nothing except that he habitually felt more relaxed when his facial muscles were contracted and his visage contorted to form grooves of light shadows that accentuated his features. Also, it allowed him to acquire an air of coolness that fanned the rumors of him being a bad boy, thus helping him conceal the fact that he was a closet nerd whose primary pastime was studying in advance of lectures. This hold true until, that is, this very day when his frown actually represented genuine bad mood.

Most of his friends didn't notice his scowl was a little tighter, or that the lines between his brows were so close together that crows feet were starting to appear at the corners of his eyes. Nor did they know that this day, he was frowning so hard that his face hurt. As an exception to the norm, Inoue Orihime was able to discern his usual frown from the bad sort of frown. She was one of the few who could categorize his frowns. She knew of his happy frown, hungry frown, sleepy frown, irritated frown, normal frown, bored frown, and frown frown. She could probably go on forever listing his frowns but she was more concerned with his current frown; an irate frown with elements of frustration that made him seem antsy. Complimenting his rigid look was an extra raised nerve in his left temple that appeared to be pulsing. When Orihime asked Ichigo what was wrong, he simply shrugged, grunted, mumbled something unintelligible then wandered off to eat his lunch. Yes, Ichigo's temper had made a wrong turn the day before and was now lost in a foreign city populated by wicked thoughts.

He was following Keigo and the others to their regular lunching spot when he heard the high-pitched false laugher of Kuchiki Rukia. Obviously, the word 'underacting' was absent from her vocabulary. This opinion of his was reaffirmed when Rukia tried to curtsey in thanks when one of the girls gave her a piece of candy. Ichigo thought that it was time for him to change the types of manga that was available in her collection, and defying his own straining muscle's capacity, he frowned even harder.

The root of his current irritation lay in the happenings of the previous day. The Sunday had begun simple enough, initiated by its unvarying sequence of events. He had woke up in time to deflect his father's morning attack and after fighting the old man until he backed out of the perimeter of his bedroom, he slammed the door and Rukia slipped out of the closet, already dressed and prepared for the day. The aroma of breakfast that had reached the halls from its origin, courtesy of Yuzu, had led him straight to the kitchen after his ritual of morning toilette. He had said his greetings of good morning to his siblings, ignored his dad as always, then proceeded to pile food onto two plates after shrugging off Yuzu's warning that his diet quantity may cause obesity. He still remembered what he had said to his younger sister.

He had joked with softness in his eyes and humor in his voice, "You'd still love me even if I was fat and ugly and was a weirdo otaku, neee Yuzu?"

To which, she had replied indignantly, "Of course Ichi-nii! You even have to ask?" Afterwards, she had pouted then jerked her face away from him.

He had told her, "Hai hai of course I know that. And breakfast looks delicious. My compliments to the chef."

She must've forgiven him because she had slowly turned to show him a blushing smile and he hadn't been able to help himself but to grin in return. He had kept in mind that Rukia was probably waiting impatiently so he had headed straight back to his room without dawdling. The moment he had entered his room, Rukia grabbed a plate out of his hand and proceeded to eat without a word of thanks. He had grumbled, which he did often with her, and in the middle of it, the sound of the doorbell had interrupted him. That was the point when his day started to diverge from his standard Sundays.

He had begun to head back down the stairs when he heard Karin call out that she'd get the door. That was when he heard the door open and then the voice of a man, seemingly with great effort, say "Guudo mooningu! I amu Ichigo no ingirishi…uh….eeeto….eeeto….what's the word….".

He had froze mid-step because he recognized the voice as that of Renji's, but then he snapped into action and ran down the stairs, leaping three to four steps at a time. By the time he had got to her, Karin, who had a hand on the knob, was already staring suspiciously at Renji, who was dressed in abnormally bright colors that happened to highlight his false-looking red hair, except in his case, the shade was all natural.

"You're Ichi-nii's English what?" Karin had asked. Ichigo remembered how everything about her posture and voice exuded mistrust. Renji's lie was truly a poorly constructed one.

Renji had struggled for a second longer, muttering to himself, "eeetooo…eeto…", ostensibly trying to remember a word before he gave up and lapsed back into Japanese. "I'm Ichigo's English tutor." He had declared with conviction, but without persuasive power.

Karin had raised an eyebrow, which conveyed that she thought what he said was complete bullshit. "Even though your English sucks." She had quipped, to which Renji's face had become ashen.

Ichigo had barely held back an exasperated sigh before he stepped between them. "He means to say I'm HIS English tutor." He had supplied.

"Ichi-nii? You know this guy?" Karin had looked up in true astonishment to learn that the stranger wasn't one of those crazy people who wandered the streets.

All he was able to do was to scratch his head and tell her, "Yea. He's Renji. A classmate of mine." He had paused to consider how to make what he said more convincing. What Ichigo had finally added to augment the story was another detail that explained Renji was a transfer student.

Karin had scrutinized a nervous-looking Renji, and continued to do so until it culminated into a observation that Renji looked rather old to be a high school freshmen, or to even be in high school. That was when Ichigo had been reminded yet again that his sister was a really smart girl.

Renji was yelling something about eating his fruits and vegetables and growing bigger than the average teen when Ichigo decided that he had had enough. He had grabbed Renji by the wrist and dragged him into his room, and when the door closed to give them privacy, Ichigo launched many furious questions, which then instigated the occurrence of a strange conversation between him, Renji, and the squatter in his room.

_"What the hell are you wearing! My English tutor! What were you thinking! What the hell are you doing here! And once again, what the hell are you wearing! You look like you escaped from a circus!"_

_Renji crossed his arms while wearing a scowl. "Don't complain about my outfit! I borrowed these clothing from one of your human stores. It's not MY fault that the mortal realm has an inferior sense of fashion compared to soul society!"_

_"No. wait. That outfit does NOT qualify as fashionable in this world." Ichigo yelled back. "In fact-"_

_Renji interrupted him before he could finish. "I got it from a place called 'A Chic Man's Man' and everybody is dressed like this in that store."_

_"Waaait a minute." The color of Ichigo's face became faintly gray. "Isn't that where uh….gay men and transsexuals buy-"_

_The closet door slid open smoothly and Rukia jumped out with a plate of mostly finished pancakes. "Ah Renji! Ohayou! You're looking very much like a mortal today!"_

_Renji turned his head to her and grinned. "Thanks! I consulted your magazines before crossing over. These clothes feel kinda tight. I'll never understand the mortal mind."_

_Rukia looked him up and down and beamed. "I love the colors!" She exclaimed, "It's so cheerful! Like those Chappy brand candies!"_

_At the mention of Chappy the Rabbit, Renji's smile faltered. Perhaps an unsettling tingle of instinct had warned at last, that something about his outfit might not be so right after all. _

_Ichigo was frowning, but that was to be expected. "You still haven't answered me why you're here today." He stated._

"_Ah…yes…" Renji replied with a distracted look; probably because his thoughts were preoccupied with Rukia's Chappy comment. "Today's my day off so I thought I might as well improve my understanding of this world."_

"_And you're here because?" Ichigo questioned testily._

"_I need a guide."_

"_Forget it. I refuse."_

_Renji bared his teeth. "Who the fuck asked you, asshole? I'm here for Rukia!"_

_Rukia finished what's left of her pancakes then dragged her pink tongue across her lips to clean it of wayward syrup. "Alright." She agreed without a thought._

"_What!" Exclaimed Ichigo. "You can't leave! What about Hollows?"_

_Rukia's luminous dark eyes glanced in his direction contemptuously. "Ah yes…I forgot…..The rookie needs my protection."_

"_I DON'T NEED YOUR PROTECTION!" He protested in defense of his ego._

"_Oh……. So…..You want my company then."_

"_Hell no! A Sunday away from you is like a grace of god!"_

_Her lips formed a faint curve and the line of her eyelash lowered slightly, causing her eyes to appear even darker. "Then in that case, let Kami be kind towards you and I shall depart with Renji." She was smug. "Come Renji. I am very knowledgeable about this world. I have to show you a contraption called 'the vending machine', which reminds me. Ichigo!"_

_"What!" He snapped grouchily. 'Damn Rukia', he thought, 'she always wins!', screamed his mind._

_"Give me money."_

_"What!"_

_"Money is necessary to navigate this world so give me money!"_

_"NO! Why do I always have to give you my hard-earned allowance! I'm down to my last four thousand en!" The moment he voiced the amount he had in his wallet, he regretted it. 'Shit shit shit I'm an idiot!', he mentally reprimanded himself. "But I was gonna buy stuff with it!" He complained loudly. _

_"That's what I'm going to use the money for, you fool! So your objective will STILL be completed" Rukia lectured unkindly and held out a hand._

Not five minutes later after that conversation, She had left with Renji in tow, and Ichigo was left alone in his bedroom, still in his pajamas, and holding in his hand, a wallet filled with everything except cash. Now while the violation of his wealth really irked him, it wasn't the cause of Ichigo's continual anger which had lasted from yesterday until today. Nor was the reason because Rukia and Renji were gone all day and he hadn't heard from her until 1 o'clock in the morning. Sure he was worried but he wasn't angry. He wasn't even mad when he realized that the reason she called his cell was to demand that he go pick them up and as a result, he was forced to rouse his younger sisters from their slumber in order to borrow money for a taxi. No, the reason that the happenings of Sunday caused such unhappiness in Kurosaki Ichigo that the tumultuous feelings persisted until this moment, was due to the fact that the place Ichigo had go in order to retrieve Rukia and Renji was a Love Hotel.

During the taxi ride there, he had actively thought up numerous platonic reasons for why the shinigami pair would've ended up at such a place, which is the only reason for why he failed to tear out his hair in jealousy, _or not_, after all, there was nothing in his relationship with Rukia that should cause him to respond with jealousy. At least that was what self-denial insisted. He had preferred not to think too much about the implications related to the physically painful twinges of his heart that kept bothering him all day. Ichigo had convinced himself that it was heartburn and thus resolved to watch his diet henceforth.

When he had finally reached his destination, he was greeted by barrage of evidence that was contrary to all the rationalizations of non-romantic reasons for visiting a love hotel. Even his self-denial was overwhelmed and had to bow it's head in defeat. What had greeted him was the sight of Rukia and Renji, freshly bathed, garbed in matching complimentary hotel robes, and wearing silly grins, doubtless because they were still basking in the afterglow of deviant and raunchy sex. What had really spelled out his defeat was the parting shot that Renji gave as he was leaving through the portal door. What he had said was, "I had a lot of fun today Rukia. Thanks a lot!" That was the instant when Ichigo had informed his conscience of the detail that killing someone who was already dead didn't really count as murder. And by the way, Rukia had responded with a "Me too!".

It was around that moment when his head had suddenly felt light, and all the pressure from his mounting fury seemed to seep out like water through a porous bag. He didn't realize until sometime this morning that the dazed sensation was his coping mechanism kicking in and at the time, he was actually tittering on the cliff between the waking world and unconsciousness. (By the way, his inner hollow was real upset that he missed a chance to do some gratuitous killing. Ichigo too was somewhat disappointed because after causing Renji's death, he could always say ,"Oh it wasn't my fault. It was the hollow.") Anyways, Ichigo didn't remember the cab ride home. He also didn't remember climbing into bed and calling out 'good night' as Rukia casually disappeared into his closet, like everything was normal. All Ichigo knew was that when he woke up this morning, he felt suffocated from all the mental anguish weighing down on him. As for Rukia, the sentiment he held towards her was something almost akin to hatred because she still hadn't explained, justified, or even commented on her activities the night before. He didn't realize how brazen her attitude was about such matters and he supposed it was because she WAS much older than him. But was it normal for a lady of a famous house, no matter how many years she had existed, to be so careless and matter-of-fact about an intimate act between two persons. Somehow, Ichigo didn't think so. Of course he couldn't bring himself to confront her about it, because that would reveal he gave a damn, which he didn't. He didn't give a damn like how he wouldn't give a damn if Zaraki intended to take pleasure from his virgin ass and starved squirrels mistook his balls for (very well grown) nuts. Therefore he settled for passive aggressive behavior and scowled at her every once in a while as she went about the day in her typical manner. She didn't seem to mind his furtive glares, which he used in attempt to jinx her with the evil eye. When she did speak to him about his errant behavior, he snorted rudely and told her to go do things he didn't know he had the creativity to think up. Naturally, she reacted by inflicting bodily damage onto him, which was within her rights since he had sullied her dignity. Ichigo had expected no less from her. The vulgarity of his language had shocked even the classmates who were unfortunate enough to overhear, and high school students aren't exactly an innocent bunch.

"Oi Ichigo!"

Ichigo suddenly realized he was standing at the entryway and there were people on his either sides trying to get in or out of the classroom.

"HELLOOOO TO ICHIGO!" his friend hollered right in front of his face, "EARTH TO ICHIGO!"

Ichigo cringed and pulled back. "Uh…..sorry." He looked around at the ticked off expressions around him and quickly shifted out of the way.

"Ichigo!" Keigo slapped a hand to his shoulder, "What the heck is wrong with you? You've been acting funny all day!"

"It's nothing. I didn't have enough sleep that's all." He knew the excuse was unconvincing but he didn't have the energy left to make up something that wasn't lame.

"OHHHHHHHH…..I seeeeeeee……" A sly and somewhat malevolent grin appeared on Keigo's face as he nodded knowingly. "You had a fight with Kuchiki-san didn't you? Didn't you? AHHHHH Ichigo had his first lover's quarrel! How adorable!" Keigo started to dance in circles around him. "ICHIGO IIIIS LOOOONNNELY ICHIGO IIIIIS LOOONELYYYY ICHIGO IIIIIS LOOONE-" Keigo's singing was abruptly terminated by Ichigo's fist to the face.

"Urusee! You're so damn annoying!"

Keigo cupped his nose with a hand and whimpered; all the while he was ogling Ichigo with watery eyes. "You're so meannnnn!" Ichigo's eyes narrowed and started to raise a fist menacingly.

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!" Keigo backed away fearfully. He prolonged his 'abused puppy' act for a few more minutes before giving it up. A serious mood seemed to overtake the usually carefree teen. "Ichigo, you should apologize." He advised thoughtfully.

"WHAT!" Scratching furiously at his orange hair, Ichigo looked scandalized. "WHY DOES EVERYONE AUTOMATICALLY THINK IT'S MY FAULT! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

"You should apologize anyways! You're a man right? So be a man and apologize! You don't want to keep fighting with Kuchiki-san forever do you?"

"I TOLD you! We're NOT a couple!"

"I know I know! Now go apologize!"

"THERE'S NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE ABOUT! NOW SHUT UP OR I'LL HIT YOU AGAIN!" Ichigo was really starting to assume the role of a tyrant and he was feeling pretty guilty about it.

"STOP BULLYING ASANO-KUN!" yelled out a husky yet feminine voice. Ichigo turned to see Rukia glaring up at him, her back fully erect to raise her to her full and unimpressive height. Instantly, Ichigo's mood became foul again.

"Screw off you stupid flat-chested midget!" Actually, he regretted what he said even as he was saying it.

Rukia's eyes darkened with the promise of retribution but her face remained innocent, thanks to her superior acting skills. She took a breath and her lips parted. Ichigo expected her to start spewing insults but instead, what came out was a tiny strangled squeak that barely escaped. The fury in her eyes disappeared and was replaced by a doleful glassy stare. She ducked her face behind her hands dramatically and wailed. "Oh Kurosaki-kun! Why must you always treat me so crassly? Does my existence bother you so? Am I that despicable? I know that this Kuchiki isn't beautiful, or rich, or popular, but what is it that I've done that warrants such distain! Oh Kurosaki-kun! I apologize! Forgive me for being alive! Forgive me for breathing your air! Forgive me for being in your class! Let me relieve you by removing myself from your presence!" She suddenly turned her back to him and tears that captured light sparkled as it fell. "Oh if only I was never born!" She sobbed then ran from the room.

There were so many things wrong with what she said that it drove Ichigo to the brink of madness that he couldn't point it out to the rest of the class. First of all, as much as he didn't want to admit it, Rukia IS beautiful. The way boys threw themselves at her was a testament to her attractiveness. Also, as THE noble family, the Kuchiki household was not only rich but filthy stinking rich. There was also no denying that she was popular because she was hardly ever seen without a group of girls around her and she regularly received invitations to outings. Another important tidbit of information that the class didn't know was that he didn't need to forgive her for being alive because she WASN'T alive. And last of all, since she wasn't alive, breathing was an unnecessary action.

Due to the class's ignorance of the outrageousness of her lies, they gave him accusatory stares as if he was the bad guy. There was no mistaking that he was now the class pariah because everyone moved away from him for a distance of at least five feet. Students were whispering amongst each other and pointing at him during conversations. A few of the guys shook their heads and lamented that poor Kuchiki-san had found herself such an abusive boyfriend. They assured each other that if THEY were so lucky to have Kuchiki-san as THEIR girlfriend, she would never be exposed to mistreatment by their hands. The girls who harbored the preexisting notion that Ichigo was a scary-looking guy, ergo a man who was no good, were now thoroughly convinced that he was the devil, and they speculated the terrible things that he might have forced poor Kuchiki-san to perform for him.

It was a given that people should imagine Ichigo to be the bad guy. After comparing Ichigo and Rukia to each other, any given person would've assumed the dangerous-looking young man was taking undue liberties with the pixy of a girl. Just look at the two; one was a tall muscular male who seemed like the kind that smoked behind the school, violated girls under the bleachers, and did a little recreational vandalizing on the weekends, whereas the other, a dainty little girl with large expressive eyes who seemed so fragile that she probably couldn't even scream for help when the boy attacked her. Never mind the fact that Ichigo was always well-behaved and whose grades were in the top 30 while the girl in contrast, well…..her grades would be in the top ten if the ranking was counted in reverse. Indeed, nevermind about all that because the collective minds of the class was already made up. Ichigo was the villain and he must pay.

Ichigo had just resolved to take his current situation in stride when he heard the cracking of knuckles. He turned his head slowly and when he saw the source of the popping sounds, a cold sweat covered his entire skin. Tatsuki was flexing her hands murderously, and he could've sworn that there was some sort of malicious aura emanating from her body. Ichigo may be cranky, strange, and a nerd, but let no one say he was stupid. He speedily ascertained his situation and using the data he gathered, he was able to extrapolate how things were going to turn out for him, and it wasn't going to be pretty. Ichigo started to back away without taking his eyes off the much smaller but extraordinarily violent girl; all the while thinking up some way to extract himself from the impending horrors. "I….I…..I THINK I'LL GO APOLOGIZE TO KUCHIKI-SAN!" he blurted out then ran out the door before shutting it soundly behind him. Still alarmed from his narrow escape, he was leaning over his knees and panting when the voice of evil spoke to him.

"So Ichigo…"

Upon hearing his name, the boy lifted his head to see Rukia leaning indifferently against the wall of the hallway with her arms crossed loosely beneath her breasts. Although she was short, she seemed to be looking down at him as one corner of her mouth bent into a smirk.

"How do you like my acting skills?" She questioned with arrogance in her tone, "I just learned that bit from the soap opera I watched last night. What do you think? Jealous of my talent?"

A surge of anger flooded Ichigo's consciousness and he almost passed out. "ARGH! I SWEAR! I SWEAR I'M GONNA-" He immediately caught himself and looked around for other people before looming over Rukia and hissing, "I swear I'm going to kill you!"

Rukia pressed herself against the wall, gazed at him with dewy eyes through her fallen bangs, and brought trembling fingers to her lips. "Oh Kurosaki-kun!" She moaned in that horrible imitation of what she thought was a proper female voice, "Please don't hurt me! I'll do anything you want! Just be gentle with a virgin's first time!"

Ichigo's face blushed deep scarlet. "YOU IDIOT! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU WATCHING LAST NIGHT!" Then in a much MUCH smaller voice, infinitesimal in fact, he murmured, "Virgin my ass."

A wide and satisfied grin took over her countenance. "The Forbidden Love of Raphael and The Milk Maid." She informed the mentally tortured male.

Ichigo couldn't help but shout again. "STOP WATCHING CRAP LIKE THAT!" He then doubled-over because Rukia had placed a well-aimed kick into his midsection.

"Shut up fool! I'll watch what I want to watch! You're too much of a prude!"

"And you're a friggin pervert! You midget pervert!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!" She kicked him again. "Try saying that again you stupid-looking fool! I'm not the one with porn stashed under the mattress!"

"I DON'T HAVE PORN UNDER THE MATTRESS!"

One of the windows of the classroom slid open and Keigo stuck his head out into the hallway. "Can I borrow your porn sometimes?" He asked Ichigo with a sycophantic leer.

"NO!" Ichigo quickly corrected himself. "I MEAN I DON"T HAVE PORN!"

"Psh…if you're gonna be so stingy" Keigo grumbled then slipped back into the classroom and closed the window.

When Ichigo turned back to Rukia, he saw that she was observing him with intense seriousness. Unsmilingly, she seemed to take in every detail of his person and he was so unnerved by this change that he forgot to be angry. "……What?" He asked self-consciously, "Do I have something on my face?"

"What's wrong with you today?"

"Huh?"

Rukia was acting more like herself now. Her thin brows were closer together with traces of consternation. "You've been acting strange all day. I had tried to be understanding of your idiocy because I assumed it was due to some sort of inane teenage male issue like hormones or pimples or good old and reliable stupidity but now I'm starting to think otherwise."

Ichigo scratched his head with one hand. "I haven't been acting weird…" He protested feebly while looking away.

"Is it because I spent all day with Renji yesterday?" She had said what she said as a joke, but when Ichigo visibly cringed, her eyes widened. "Ichigo!...You……"

He started to go red in the face. "I-it's not like that!"

Rukia went quiet and as the silence stretched on between them, the degree of Ichigo's discomfort increased exponentially with every passing second. He alternated between head scratching and fidgeting before reaching his breaking point, causing him to scream out in aggravation. "ARGH! SAY SOMETHING! I'm sorry alright? I'm sorry! Just forget about it alright!"

"You should've said something……."

"eh?"

Rukia's slender hands grabbed one of his big rough ones and squeezed. "If you have feelings for someone" She began to speak patiently, "You should express yourself. No one mind reads you know." Her glossy lips curved into a little smile.

"I..du…eh…ah….ge….da…" Ichigo stammered nonsensically.

She flashed a beautiful smile and Ichigo thought it was bizarre and comedic that a shimmering light conjured itself out of nowhere and wrapped around Rukia, causing her to appear angelic. He was pretty sure that the full-body halo was all in his head. Behind him, the random ghosts who were attracted to his spiritual powers and thus followed him to school started clapping and nodding with approval. When the dark-haired beauty gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, he could've sworn he saw a floating baby carrying a bow and arrow disappear from the range of his peripheral vision.

She started to talk. "You should've spoken up when Renji first came asking for a tour guide." She chided lightly.

"yea…"

"Then you wouldn't have to get all jealous….."

"I wasn't jealous!"

She winked knowingly. "Don't worry. We didn't do anything."

Ichigo smiled. The tension in his body uncoiled and all was well with the world. In turn, Rukia's eyes filled with tenderness. She leaned close to him and looked deeply into his light brown eyes. "I promise never to get in the way of you and your beloved again." She murmered sincerely.

Ichigo woke himself from his euphoria-induced stupor. "What was that?" He asked alarmed.

She released his hand from her clasp and nudged him playfully with her elbow in a decidedly fraternal fashion. "Next time Renji comes over, I'll make sure to get you alone time with him. Ah! Why don't I invite him over next weekend and then make up some excuse to leave! I'm such a genius! Let me tell you all about his likes and dislikes so you don't embarrass yourself."

As if he was mentally damaged, Ichigo gaped vapidly at her and saliva was threatening to slide down his chin.

Meanwhile, Rukia was still talking up a storm. "Icecream! Chocolate, he loves chocolate…actually he likes virtually any flavor!"

Ichigo spaced out and Rukia's voice faded into the background.

_" Boys hit on him a lot though…so you need to keep him close to you…"_

Turning his head, Ichigo peered out the window and saw that the weather was warm, sunny, and still.

_" …little dogs and…"_

Ichigo vaguely wondered if Yuzu would agree to make curry for dinner.

_"…tattoo shops….gigai…"_

He knew that she had already planned the meals for the week but maybe she would give in if he begged long enough.

_"…half dressed…..torso…..candy…."_

The teenager simply knew that Yuzu HAD to agree to make curry tonight's meal.

"….strong…..Nii-sama…..hair…."

Ichigo was quite positive that he had already passed the limit for the allowable amount of bad luck per day, nay, per month, so for the rest of the day, he anticipated nothing but good things to go his way. It had to. Right?

FIN:

For those of you who MUST know the details of Rukia and Renji's outing, (and you curious monkeys know who you are), stay tuned for the omake chapter.


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